If you’ve dated a man over the age of 30, you know that there are many men with emotional baggage. In fact some men should be hanging an “overload” sign on their bumper with as much extra emotional weight they’re carrying.
As men get older you can expect them to have a certain amount of baggage, just like you. As you live life, have exes, children, in-laws, and social commitments you’re bound to have more baggage. The problem isn’t really the amount of baggage he has, it’s all about how he and you deal with it.
Kathryn Bigelow, a behavioral scientist and director of the Burnett Behavioral Science Unit at Sydney University in Australia says, “Baggage is merely a name for our collective past experiences. What we do with our history and how we manage it is a clear indication of how we will deal with current and future experiences.”
So how can you handle men with emotional baggage? How do you deal with a man who is unable to let go of past relationships? Who wants to remain friends with his exes? Who won’t let go? There’s not much you can do about his baggage unless he wants to work on it. But you can manage your own baggage so that you can better deal with his.
According to Kathryn Bigelow, there are baggage handling tips to help deal with men with emotional baggage and get on with your life:
- 1. Take a look at what you expect from your relationship and your partner. Then make a list of what is essential. The rest of this can be considered baggage.
- 2. From the “essentials” list, imagine what it would be like to go without of these items for a day. What would that feel like. Then imagine letting go for longer. If you are less demanding of yourself and others, you’ll accumulate less baggage.
- 3. Take a look at yourself and who YOU are. What are your good and bad points and decide what you want to change. Now imagine getting rid of your negative traits for the day. Now imagine how much space you’d have in your life if you got rid of that negative quality for good.
- 4. Don’t take life so seriously. Now I’m not saying become irresponsible, but you do need to learn when to let loose and have a little fun. Think about the traits annoying traits people in your life have and try to make them into something funny. Find the lighter side, the humorous side of that trait to help diffuse a potential problem.
- 5. Be our own best friend, don’t beat yourself up over the past, your past and his. The past is gone forever, so there’s no point in worrying about it.
- 6. Let go of your anger, guilt and resentment that you feel. You’ll be surprised by the weight that is lifted from your shoulders, just by doing this.
We all know how heavy excess emotional baggage can be. The cost of dealing with men with emotional baggage can not only cost you any future relationship with him, but can also add to your personal baggage. That’s why when you do meet a man with baggage remember to make sure the emotional costs you incur are kept at a minimum by following these tips. Remember when it comes to carrying baggage through life always travel light.
Wishing you happiness in life and love,
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